she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
