I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
