I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
