My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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