she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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