it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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