never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
