I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
