He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Blood and glitter go together right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
