Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
