Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
