Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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