I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
