So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
