i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
