someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Randomize
