They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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