I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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