So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
