can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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