I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
