Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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