my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
