If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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