I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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