And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
