She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
