peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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