i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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