So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
