I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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