Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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