The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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