We're like a lot better than the average bears
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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