allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
