dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
