He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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