i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize