"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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