How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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