um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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