The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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