three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
