Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
