do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
