lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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