You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize