i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
