I just cut my nipple shaving
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
