Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
