dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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