Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
