Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's always time for handjobs
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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