You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
