sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
