FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
