I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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