he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
