It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
