Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
